Dating in the Digital Age:
The Unique Challenges Gen Z Men Face
Written by Mark Bailey of Men’s Health Network
In response to Christina Aaliyah – “Gen Z Has a Dating Problem.”
Gen Z is Unique
In her recent video, relationship vlogger Christina Aaliyah touches on a struggle most of us are already intimately familiar with– dating as a Gen Z-er can be a headache at its best, and a nightmare at its worst.
While we all struggle from time to time with our job, health, social life, etc., relationships can be especially difficult because they touch on every aspect of our life. It’s easy to feel pressure to have a high income, social status, or to look a certain way –to have the right interests, skills, home life, to have a memorable past and a bright future– the list is endless. It’s overwhelming to think about it, and at the end of the day, we just want to be able to be ourselves in a relationship rather than constantly conforming to these expectations.
This is where Men’s Health Network (MHN) comes in, we aim to improve health in all areas.
Gen Z is the generation of people born between 1997-2012. They are currently in their 20’s or will be soon. It’s the most difficult time for us to establish ourselves on our own and it’s made even harder Our 20’s is also a time for us think critically about our social circumstances and relationships. Modern dating presents unique challenges for men, especially those from Generation Z, who are navigating evolving social norms, digital platforms, and shifting relationship dynamics. We pay much more attention to gender roles and our mental health more so than previous generations. We are also much more connected to social media and dating apps.
It’s no secret that this generation is hard-pressed to establish genuine connections.
Blaming and Shaming
A significant theme in modern dating discourse is the tendency to blame men for relationship challenges. Men are often criticized for being emotionally unavailable, commitment-averse, or entitled. While these labels may reflect some truths, they oversimplify the complexities of male behavior shaped by societal pressures.
Social media and dating apps amplify these struggles by placing significant emphasis on looks, charisma, and status. Many men internalize feelings of inadequacy when they fail to meet these expectations, creating repetitive cycles of low self-worth and despair. Over time, this shame can lead to withdrawal from dating altogether, further isolating men and preventing them from addressing these challenges constructively.
Aaliya summarizes this by saying we look for Avatars–not people–to date. An avatar is a fantasy of what we want in a person, be it tall, short, wealthy, a pristine social presence, and so on. It’s easy to fall for this mentality when we assume we have many options via dating apps.
Social media offers connection opportunities, but fosters unhealthy comparisons.
Platforms like Instagram and TikTok showcase curated lives, perpetuating unrealistic standards. Men often feel they must meet these ideals to be desirable, which erodes their self-esteem. Dating apps exacerbate this issue by prioritizing superficial traits, creating additional rejection, and pathways for discouragement.
The impact extends beyond rejection. Men who internalize the superficial metrics of success often find themselves stuck in a cycle of comparison, constantly questioning their value in a competitive and unforgiving environment.
This reluctance often leaves them without the tools to manage the emotional complexities of dating. Despite growing awareness of mental health, the shame around vulnerability persists, making it difficult for men to express their emotions or seek support from their partners.
The combination of internalized shame and external judgment creates a vicious cycle where men are left to navigate their emotions alone. Without tools or support, they struggle to address the very issues that could help them thrive in relationships.
Economic Insecurity
Aaliyah opens with a study claiming almost half of “Gen Z-ers view financial compatibility as more important than physical compatibility.” Financial stability remains a significant pressure for men in dating. Many are still building their careers or burdened by student debt, creating feelings of inadequacy. The expectation to be a financial provider, even in progressive dating cultures, adds stress, and can discourage men from pursuing relationships if they feel unprepared.
One need only look at the recent, popularized sound bite circulating on social media:
“I’m looking for a man in finance, Trust fund, 6’5″, blue eyes.”
Economic pressure is amplified by the societal narrative that equates financial success with self-worth. For young men still finding their footing, this expectation can feel insurmountable, adding to their reluctance to engage in the dating world.
Remaining Hopeful
As Aaliya puts it, a lot Gen Z-ers are motivated by fear rather than hope. However, when it comes to mental health and especially relationships, it’s generally best to lean into positive expectations. Of course it’s important be aware of the issues mentioned…
Yet focusing on solutions tends to be a key factor in healthy relationships.
One such mindset mentioned is an openness to being a “satisfiser,” as she quotes another relationship author. As opposed to a “maximiser,” who worries about checking all the boxes, a “satisfiser” makes sure their needs are met and won’t worry about what they might be missing out on. And as the author claims, this leads to happier relationships.
Expanding access to mental health resources tailored to men’s needs can address emotional challenges and build confidence. Programs focusing on communication, financial literacy, and self-esteem can help men better handle the pressures of modern dating. Open discussions about mental health can also help men feel less alone in their struggles.
Fostering authenticity over perfection can reduce the pressure men feel to conform to unrealistic standards.
By shifting focus toward genuine connection and individuality, society can create a more supportive and inclusive dating environment.
Modern dating is a complex landscape for men, shaped by societal pressures, digital platforms, and evolving relationship norms. The tendency to blame and shame men oversimplifies their struggles, ignoring systemic issues like economic pressures and the stigmatization of vulnerability. By fostering empathy, challenging stereotypes, and encouraging authenticity, society can create a healthier dating culture that supports meaningful connections for everyone.