Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I just divorced, as amicably as possible. We’ve heard a lot a lot about how children in divorced families act out, get bad grades in school, take drugs, have all sorts of mental health problems, and on and on. Frankly, both of us are worried that our children are never going to recover. Despite the divorce, we both want to be great parents and to give the kids the best life. Is there some way to make that happen?
A: This is one of the most common questions I get from divorcing and divorced parents, and I wish there were some way to get the media to quit portraying children in divorced families as self-destructive, failure-bombs waiting to explode. The reality is that kids whose parents have split (whether by divorce or the breakup of a never-married couple), can do just as well as any other kids. There are definitely some obstacles, but they can be overcome. Here are a few ideas that will help.
- Don’t believe everything you read (except this, of course). Some studies do show that kids from divorced homes have many of the problems you mentioned. But in most cases, those problems are less the result of the divorce itself than of the quality of the parenting those kids are getting. I’m sure you’ve seen or heard of kids who have every conceivable advantage in life but never live up to their potential or end up in jail.
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