At some point, you must wonder why he will not share his feelings with you, such as by never seeing him cry or get emotional.
Western males’ unemotional intelligence is like some secret oath they are taught to take as toddlers and carry with them through life, like an old, raggedy piece of luggage.
Most men do not feel comfortable sharing their feelings, as they are taught that feelings are associated with weakness. Some males express their feelings through violent outbursts, mean words, no tears, or silence.
The problem is his inability to express his feelings; Alexithymia is a personality construct characterized by a subclinical inability to identify and express emotions.
300 Spartans is a 2006 American epic war film based on the 1998 comic series 300 by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. In Sparta, the educational path that every young boy had to go through was divided into specific phases aimed at creating the perfect citizen. Until the age of seven, the children lived in their homes with their parents, and their education was entrusted to Sparta’s women. Then, the children officially entered the male community: they joined a “gang” called aghéle (“herd”), where they were all treated equally. However, this treatment was not pleasant: their hair was shaved, they had to walk barefoot, and they had to stay naked, in whatever climate condition.
Furthermore, they had to go through and overcome difficult challenges, challenges of skills and strength, and they had to obey the adults unconditionally.
300 Spartans were treated with a profound sense of “hard work and no feelings.” Their upbringing for males sounds traumatizing, but it is militant and full of discipline. Stop generations of males believing, and I quote, “America hates a crying man,” which proposes the question, “Why are so many more men killing themselves than women?” “Is it biologically set in stone that men take their own lives, or is it cultural?”
Powell asks, “If you look at how the suicide rates have changed, how they go up and down, you can see that it’s cultural—it’s about what we expect.”
300 Spartans were expected to fight and wage war; historic battles, respect, and honor were expected, but what if a Spartan refused? Would they be slaughtered, or, culturally, would they know to commit suicide rather than live in disgrace?
Every male must be 300.
Mentality does not secure the emotional intelligence of males; in lieu, it urges the beasts within, which ties into their resorting to unconscious coping methods such as suicide. It is incredibly disheartening to think that caregivers were not thinking about males’ getting secure attachments. The roots of research on attachment began with Freud’s theories about love, but another researcher is usually credited as the father of attachment theory. John Bowlby devoted extensive research to the concept of attachment, describing it as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.”
Bowlby shared the psychoanalytic view that early experiences in childhood are important for influencing development and behavior later in life. It genuinely feels like this can apply to a spartan male mentality and a western male mentality.
Males who are securely attached typically tend to positively have trust in long-term relationships.
300 Spartans conveys a moral sense that every male is strong. Culturally, males were disowned by their caregivers for crying as a visible sign of weakness or homophobic qualities.
According to Fox and Levin (2005), women typically tend to commit aggression more within their family, including toward males, and are less likely to be aggressive toward strangers. Males, on the other hand, are more likely to be aggressive against strangers and less likely to be aggressive against family members. If this is traditionally the case, men may be less violent and suicidal. The emotional intelligence of males would be there, but the roles have shifted; more males are aggressive toward their families. Other key characteristics of securely attached individuals include having high self-esteem, enjoying intimate relationships, seeking out social support, and having the ability to share genuine feelings with other people.
If you or you know someone going through an abusive situation, reach out to national suicide prevention hotline Call 1-800-273-8255.
DVWMT blogs thoughtfully provide you with education, encouragement, and cognitive empathy toward correctly viewing our hard-topic dinner table conversations as enlightening, essential truth, needed transparency, and fresh perspectives for communities and families.
References:
Fuertes J N, R. Grindell S, Kestenbaum M, Gorman B. Sex, Parent Attachment, Emotional Adjustment, and Risk-Taking Behaviors, Int J High Risk Behav Addict. 2017 ; 6(2):e36301. doi: 10.5812/ijhrba.36301.
Siegel & Hartzell, (2003) Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive: 10th Anniversary Edition: 10th Anniversary Edition. Amazon book review is 4 out of 5 stars.
Suicide and silence: why depressed men are dying for somebody to talk (2015) www.theguardian.com
300 Spartans: Why Are We (Still) Fascinated by This Story? https://www.thecollector.com/300-spartans-battle-thermopylae-story/
