“Boys have penises, girls have vaginas!” It’s usually the first thing taught when schools or books teach children about sex. It seems like a logical place to start. But what most of these lessons are really teaching them is reproduction, not sex. But unfortunately, we are perpetuating another a lie – well, maybe a half-truth. The truth is: Boys have penises, girls have clitorises.
When we teach kids that a penis equals a vagina, we are perpetuating another belief that keeps either gender from being who they were meant to be sexually. Just to be clear: A vagina is for making babies, a clitoris is for having sex.
This is a lie that even nature seems to conspire in. After all, men are hardwired by biology to place their seed in the vagina in order to procreate. The call of the vagina is pretty strong. It’s such an incredible fit! It feels so great! Biology has engineered this to assure the survival of the species. But, since the survival of our species at 6+ billion strong is pretty much assured, let’s stop having procreative sex and focus on great sex!
Vaginas are about making babies. What’s the correlation on a man’s body? On a guy, his testicles are about making babies. I like to tell my patients that if we think about her vagina as analogous to his testes, then we might begin to understand why intercourse is just not always the biggest thrill in her life. Guys usually admit that like to have their balls played with – it’s great! But they all agree, they won’t orgasm from it. And most women won’t orgasm from vaginal intercourse. (This brings up another issue where women seem to believe this lie as well, but that’s a different topic.)
So, a clitoris is all about sex. This is a great moment to learn some anatomy. The glans of the clitoris is only the beginning. Just as men have a glans and two erectile chambers, so do women. The clitoral legs are two erectile chambers that lie on either side of the vaginal opening and with arousal, swell and become filled with blood (sound familiar?). These legs are actually all part of the clitoris. It often helps guys to think of these as being the shaft of his penis. Knowing this anatomy can open a whole world of opportunities for stimulation.
When guys learn that a vagina is not always the main event, it can allow them to begin an adventure. While guys may initially focus on the vagina as young, inexperienced lovers, as they mature, they discover that becoming an explorer of a woman’s body is a lot more rewarding than playing the role of the inseminator.
There are hundreds of subtle ways to stimulate a woman. Many have nothing to do with a vagina. Many have something to do with a clitoris. More have something to do with her whole body. And they all have to do with her. Start exploring.
