Dear Mr. Dad: Before we had children, my husband and I talked about being equal partners around the house. But I find myself doing a lot more and 50%–especially since what he does do, he doesn’t do right. How can I get him to be more involve?
A: For most couples with kids, one of the biggest stressors is the division of labor in the home, in part because even the most egalitarian couples tend to slip into traditional roles (meaning that mom does more of the housework and childcare than her partner). The more equitably domestic tasks are distributed, however, the happier wives (and husbands) are with their marriages. So resolving these issues may be critical to the health and success of your relationship. The following steps will help make the division of labor around your house a little fairer.
- Look at it from his perspective. Women tend to measure what their husbands do around the house against what they do. Not surprisingly, on that kind of scale, many men fail miserably. Men, though, compare what they do to what their fathers—or their male friends and coworkers—do. On that scale, most husbands feel pretty satisfied with themselves and their contributions around the house.
- Don’t ask for help. Asking him for “help” reinforces the idea that you’re the primary parent. Of course, that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t do his share. But using the word “help” makes it seem like whatever he’s “helping” with is really your job and that you should be grateful.
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Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash
